It has been some weeks and days and tests and challenges and blessings... and a LOT OF WORK for me lately :) ...and I can clearly see its all leading me and God's positioning me for my next level.... below is his confirmation to me.

Things don't stay the same when you work hard and you pray! <3>

Zack Arias is an extremely talented person. Not only is he an amazing Photographer (his chosen profession), he is a mentor, leader and part time video producer (+).

Below are three Links. Watch/Read them in order. The first link displays his creative ability to turn his own feelings into a wonderful video called “Transform”...

•••This video is applicable to any one who ever questions what they do.

Transform – http://www.zarias.com/?p=284

I didn't post on that one...

•••The second is a fine example of how Zack relates to his readers and cares about how he processes and interacts with his audience (which is no small feat – very few blogs feel intimate these days).

How Many Of You Are Standing On The Dock? – http://www.zarias.com/?p=388#

MY POST:

I’m currently on the dock with similar thoughts of B. @ times, but when they come, I work diligently to rid them out my head as soon as I can so I can continue preparing myself for “the push off”.

I want to “push off”, I will (in yrs time) yet I don’t want to drown.
I know that only pushing off is the way but I’m waiting for the time when I can educate myself enough to eliminate most failures… yet knowing to not wait too long or that time will pass me by.

Like many things in life, ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR ALTITUDE.
…and EXCUSES are reasons to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. (staying comfortable)

I have a 5 day/wk 40hr job but I get to wet my feet in my photography on weekends until I take that chance and sail away on that journey.

I try to not focus on the “dead bodies” that will come up along the way because that steers me off my course of improving & getting what I desire/need accomplished to put myself in the position for success & my dream fulfillment.
My success /dream is doing what I love, being able to pay my bills, traveling, helping others & capturing / showing love & life in my photography.

Situations in life can be overwhelming but you have to continue to work your faith & believe(dream).

While I’m standing on the dock, trying to always look up, I rely/trust in God that He is guiding my paths & I stay thankful embracing the opportunities given to me to improve & learn & enhance my craft of photography(art).

You DO what you can, & God will do what you can not!
(this is the advice I’m taking myself)

(abilities/reality)-what you can do
(faith/favor/grace/trust)- in/of God

Keep your head up B, just take some time to figure whats best for you, because you have to live with your decisions.
Find what you need to keep you free & not feeling in bondage comparing yourself to others.
Those other successful stories are for encouragement, showing you that you can do it too!!
So take that from those “stories” not the… ” i can never do what others did/do”, and if you focus on that negative aspect, how can you focus on what you need for you?

take care & stay encouraged

•••Third is the latest video he has shared of an experience of interacting with a salesman at his door and how it relates to the prior links.

Dope, Soap, & Hope :: Teachers Are Everywhere. – http://www.zarias.com/?p=440

MY POST:

THANK YOU GOD.

Truth be told, that sums up any and all of the things I could say. (but I’ll like to share my heart on this topic)

I just have to give God some praise first because HE ALREADY KNEW & ALREADY HAD what we needed.
BUT He had to work on HIS TIMING, not ours… to show how powerful & how only HE could have known & made things work the way things are falling… seriously, I really doubt anyone knew how you were feeling ZACK until you shared it, then that sparking reactions & thoughts & the email B sent to share… to get to where we are now of Derek sharing… & all of us sharing… and none of you know us… but we are all apart of the same God wanting to share HIS love on us.

The things Derek said was so true, he has got a great bit figured out.. I could see the God in him shining so brightly…

Anything in life we go through is NEVER FOR US, it is always for someone else… thats how God created us to work. But being human, we get so wrapped up in ourselves & our lil worlds.
We’re His children & we are to love & help each other.
I believe those that understand that will just continue to go & grow… we’ll be challenged & tested & stretched & hurt… but the blessings always out shine & purposes fulfilled. (ex.God getting us to where He needs us to be.)

It is so important we have the right attitude… and we walk in LOVE, removing (our)SELF from our worldy ways daily (which is never easy).

I truly believe in things happening for reasons. PURPOSE.

MY mother pasted away 4 years ago. I knew I wasn’t able to go on without help, without a CLOSER relationship to GOD/JESUS, He knew I had to position myself for helping my family & friends to be encouraged & to overcome situations in life. And while establishing this closer/personal relationship I know I have to live my life as an example to others because GOD KNOWS MY HEART, but PEOPLE KNOW MY ACTIONS.

I do it to be obedient, honestly I’m not tooting my horn. (obeying is what pleases God) Yet I can selfishly say, God always comes through, helps, & blesses me & I love love His blessings. LOL like this discussion is a blessing to me.

Since I have changed my lifestyle to putting GOD first & removing SELF… (its a daily challenge as U know)finding purpose & right perceptions /attitudes, always learning, remaining kind to others, & continuing to grow-(list goes on) -I have seen so much, God really has open my eyes, and this is such a huge CONFIRMATION for me(again) for so many things in my life.

Some people might say(argue), “no its YOU not God… its you, you’re talented, you’re skilled, you’re this & that…” but no- I choose to do what I do & love God & he helps me along, & i have to trust HIM as he guides me & creates things for me. Thats what I believe, thats what I can see for my life. Cuz it ain’t me.. who am I? yanno…

TO ZACK (& Meg)
God knew what you were going through, He knows whats going to come about… He knew He had to position Zack where he is.. HE knew he could use Zack & bless ya’ll in your life, HE knew you(zack) were going to write this, God knew you had that exposure to many, HE KNOWS, and I thank HIM for being able to use you to reach people… help people…
remember that… its not us, its the GOD IN US. <3

**(get is straight people… Zack’s choosing to let God work in his life not Zack/B/Derek being so great & so this & that ) –no offense Zack, but its easy to idolize someone(s)& be blinded. [just keeping it real sir] **

Zack/Meg I thank God for ya’ll having the heart you have…for being who ya’ll are, for all the sacrifices & struggles, for setting up a platform for those that are in need… and helping/showing others.. and being GIVING people. I know this all will lead you to the next level & all the challenges you face position you for the great things God will offer back to ya’ll.

I pray this [topic] helps those to decide how they will react to situations in their lives more positively, not focusing on negativeness & SELF and THE PAST… learning to give & love more to others & changing attitudes for betterment.

Because we can’t control what happens in our lives, we can only control how we react to them.

People, when you get in that negative state of mind… stop yourself & tell the devil to GO TO HELL… cuz if the devil can remind you of your PAST (fears/failures) YOU CAN REMIND HIM OF HIS FUTURE!

/end church
lol …i apologize, its one of the best real truths I heard my pastor say that I got to echo!

Much love to everyone!

I've got a high demand on my photography so thats been keeping me busy.
In June I got to accomplish some goals - I traveled to the WEST COAST (usa) and touched the PACIFIC OCEAN!
I'll have to blog about that later... back to work on my website!!
xo

Principles for Living a Balanced Life

Sometimes the hardest part of trying to change old habits is just getting started!

1. Make a list of the things where you spend most of your time and money.
Ask yourself; Why are you doing the things you are doing?

2. Identify your priorities.
Decide what things are most important to you. Set your schedule around those priorities. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by things that are less important. Stay Focused!

3. Make a commitment to your health.
Take time to rest and reenergize.

4. Focus on building relationships and making memories.
Give your family and friends the time they deserve.

5. Spend time with God every day.
Pray and read your Bible. If this is new for you, just start with 10-15 minutes each day.

6. Get involved with other believers.
Attend a Bible believing church in your area and support that church with your faithful attendance, tithing and service to others.
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ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:

What things do I spend most of my time doing?
What priorities do I want in my life to be?
What are the things in life that I value most?
How many of my priorities are being accomplished by my current schedule as I listed (Q#1)?
What changes need to be made based on the difference between my current schedule and my priorities?

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A prayer for a balanced Lifestyle:
Dear God,
I know that You have created me with a purpose and plan. I know it is Your desire that I too have a life filled with joy, purpose and victory. Please help me today to fulfill the destiny You have planned for my life. I know that in order to do this, I must live a life obedient to Your Word, and a life of balance, with my priorities in the proper place and my heart focused on You.

Dear Lord, help me to attain that balance in all areas of my life. Examine my heart, and show me those places where I may be out of balance. Help me to focus on the things that are most important, and keep me from being distracted by the things that would steal my time and attention. Protect me from those things that try to keep me from reaching my goals and achieving the dreams that you have put in my heart.

And most of all, dear God, remind me daily that You have called me to be fruitful, not just busy. Give me the wisdom and strength to produce in abundance that which is most important and constructive in my life and the lives of those around me. Thank you for your constant presence and for helping me to grow and increase in every area of my life. In Jesus' name. Amen.

TESTS OF FRIENDSHIPS

First off.... being CHRISTIAN is not being religious. Being CHRISTIAN is living like Christ ( or being Christ-like aka loving).

I been having these tests this year... along with feelings of disappointments & sadness... pertaining with my friends.

Mostly cuz they've not being good friends in my eyes (how dare i be so judgmental of them i know... ) & the lack of hanging out with certain ones...

and i came to the revelation... that the way some of my friends have been not being so involved with me is not cuz of me, but its cuz of whose i am...
I'm not the same as I use to be. I've chosen to live my life on bettering myself & other people. Trying to follow Christ, and not so much of the world. Its a daily battle, everyone knows.

I choose to be positive & share Godly wisdom, etc... I try not cuss much..., be encouraging, give, be selfless, etc.
I am trying to change me for the better cuz I know that things that happen, its not for me - its for someone else.
Another thing is I don't go party like i use to, I mean, I just choose not to spend most of my time in a bar / club or going get drunk, etc every weekend... (plus its OLD) ...so those party friends (only a tiny few ) don't invite me to go party as much & uninvolve me @ times. And thats ok.

BUT

i know its not cuz of me, even though i thought @ first thats what it was... and got upset a little. (defeated devil trying to pull me back into that lifestyle & make me sad)

but i figured out some things , and one is, its them not wanting to change / grow up / better themselves... they rather stick to living a carefree, party lifestyle... and thats fine too. Its their lives.. they live it. I use to go to clubs too & dance...
But i guess they can see the change in me ( like trying to better / not partying on weekends in a sense ).. yanno like why ask someone who doesnt do drugs to come over & do drugs? yanno what i mean?

Im not downing them, i use to live it too, im just saying there comes a time, when you gotta get priorities in line, maybe even growing up a little...

We're all at different levels as we live our lives...i still love them & am loving to them & there for them as I've always been... thats not changing unless they become unhealthy in my life.

And i can sit back knowing the truth... and just be in comfort & advise them when they need it....cuz those friends come when they want.
Yet they got all this drama all the time & they wonder why things are how they are... & why stuff is (crappy)... They don't see that they choose to ignore some things & don't want to take responsibility for how they are living... and CHOOSE to NOT change out of the lifestyles.
So its just the same cycle over and over for them...

The main thing thats changed is i dont feel bad about them not hanging out with me as much anymore cuz i KNOW its not me...
I know its just a test, and a statement of my integrity & character to love them and be their friend even when they might be scared or uncomfortable being mine....
SO, I'll just remain loving them, communicating with them, supporting them, being there for them & being a friend when they need me. :)
afterall, thats what true friends do...

<3

BUSY + MY THOUGHTS

I have been really busy with my photography. God really has been giving me so many opportunities! I know I have to use the talent He gives me... so thats what im doing! ANd man O man am I busy busy!!! thank ya Lord.

SO i went into a forum... and on a topic I commented.
Q: If God is All-knowing, then you have no freewill. True or False
the author of the posed question said also... "Maybe it is fueled by a poor understanding of God and life. "

I don't believe we are suppose to "understand" God ( I don't think its humanly possible) but only to LOVE/BELIEVE/WORSHIP/CHOOSE/OBEY HIM.

Thats kinda the point as to why theres a BIBLE...its from God, written by man, for US to help/guide US. Oh and before you ? that, all scripture was written from/influenced the spirit of God... I had ?ed about the bible before ( if the bible was written by man, how is it the TRUTH other than its says IN the bible "it is TRUTH" - i learned.)

Also, as you grow and study and learn more through reading the bible/books/teachings and growing in a real relationship with God, you will form some sense of understanding.

God also becomes more real to you. Because the biggest thing with people believing IN God...is the fact they can't SEE him ( like we see things on earth)... but you have to remember God doesn't work the way we do on earth. On earth, you have to SEE things to BELIEVE... with GOD, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THINGS IN ORDER TO SEE.

This is a such a touchy subject b/c honestly no one knows everything & there are so many people and we are all on different levels with God & our knowledge / understandings, experiences etc. Plus not to mention the way words are diluted through time & the way religion has also become somewhat diluted. Its well though. The Bible is like an instruction manual, its written back then but its for our RIGHT NOW, if we read, get knowledge and most importantly APPLY things taught in the Bible, it helps us to be "CHRISTian" like and live righteous.

I do see God's purpose in my life or how you could say, "God is omnipotent, already knows what I'ma do / all knowing God" or whatever ya'll overly stressing & dissecting. (but i know everyone wants to understand... i got that bug too)

Yet you have to be careful when reading the Bible, it can be tricky & yet its the most amazing book to me, being that you can read something one day & read it the next & you can get something from it totally different.

Its complicated, thats why it takes a while to study it & why there are SO MANY differnet versions & all kinda translations & yadda yadda... Like, just taking one verse & trying to make it mean something to where it can be sugarcoated/ interpreted/ twisted for your personal advantage(s)... or reading too much into or using one verse from the WHOLE point can totally mess up the purpose of that passage /point.

Things on earth are not like things in heaven. HUMANS aren't like GOD.

Its good to question things, thats how we learn & grown & get our beliefs and just experience life/people. I know God has given us CHOICE, because he LOVES US. and its UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I know God is Love. God is our Father. God is our creator. He gives us the choice to LOVE Him, accept, seek, worship, praise, believe in Him, sin, rebuke, curse, deny ...Him.

I know He gave us his son JESUS to take our sins & give us eternal life through grace... in the OT(moses) they were taught you had to work for salvation, but (NT) God gave us Jesus (which we are saved by His grace & mercy). If we believe in HIS SON, JESUS & make him our Lord & Savior.. then we are saved.

A lot of peopel don't believe theres a heaven or a hell. I know there is a heaven where God resides, and theres 5 levels of Hell.

If you believe in Christ, when you die, your soul goes immediately in the presence of God (where there can be NO SIN) and the flesh body dies... we get glorified bodies. :D when JUDGEMENT comes, cuz it will...we are judged for our WORKS not our SINS... but its kinda confusing b/c sometimes our WORKS are our sins. I've learned that after studying most of the massiveness of Revelations (about a year+ in Bible Study) that when armaggedon finishes heaven will come down to earth, [another point why it happens b/c God has to remove all sin & purify the earth before the New Jeruselum is built]... and its going to be similar to how earth is... our eternal life... & our judgement from God is kinda like a reward system.

I think you might can understand on that level... think of it as a CAREER status... the better works you do in this life on earth (more people you love/ christ like lifestyle) the better "career" / rewards you will have... so kinda simple explanation... You have 10 good works, well you get to be a secretary, but if you had 1,000 good works, then you get to be the BOSS.

Faith wihtout good works is dead. Pretty much meaning... if you don't have good works, then you don't show the world your faith. Yes GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART, but PEOPLE KNOW YOUR ACTIONS.

There is just SO MUCH information... it can get overwhelming to some.

I also believe there is suppose to be a healthy amount of fear of God. My pastor says, "Just because you give your life to Jesus(make him your savior) doesn't mean you get more of Him, it just means he gets more of You."

And if we didn't have free will(freedom to choose) then I couldn't be having this forum conversation with you cuz I wanna.

I'm not debating free will... just stating my opinion(s). I know God knows everything & sees everything... I know he gives us a choice & he wont override our wants. He loves us enough to give that to us & is delighted & blesses us even more so when we CHOOSE to do good & obey HIM! But the devill can bless you too.. and good things happen to bad people same as bad things happen to GOOD people. JUST KNOW ITS NOT FOR US, its for someone else why things happen to us. We are such a selfish people. But its well & I'll be the first to admit I'm selfish at times. ;)

...but thats why HE is God. I would not want his job eeeeeeevvvveeeeerrrrrrr... I would have done destroyed a lot of people LOL - BUT IM HUMAN..... and hes GOD! opk u got that point. ;)

THIS IS STRICTLY MY BELIEFS & THOUGHTS on the question you asked & just what I free willed felt like typing to you. ... A LOT of times, what you believe is your TRUTH.

What do you think is more important? Understanding GOD or KNOWING GOD?

I would have to say KNOWING GOD is more important to me than trying to understand something I can not... even if I spent my whole life doing JUST that.

LOVE YOU ALL

----

So the scripture i just pulled right now is...

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. i will help you." Isaiah 41:10

amen.

<3 me

email to LauraB

everyday i try to send this daily message I get from www.joelosteen.com 's mailing list.
its so great i just couldn't keep it to myself...

I got two great responses today from the daily email...
:)

well today's was:

Be a Bounce-Back Person

Today's Scripture

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold…" (I Peter 1:6-7, NLT).

Today's Word

We all face disappointments and setbacks. Life is full of things that try to push us down. Maybe you got bad news concerning your health. A relationship didn't work out. Maybe you lost your job. It was a setback. When we face setbacks, it's easy to get discouraged or lose our enthusiasm. Too often we are tempted to just settle where we are. But if we're going to see God's best, we have to have a bounce-back mentality. That means when you get knocked down, you don't stay down. You get back up again. It means when disappointments come, you shake them off knowing that what the enemy meant for your harm God is going to turn around and use for your good.

When you're a bounce-back person, you know that adversity is not permanent. Weeping may endure for a night, but you know joy is coming in the morning. There is wonderful joy ahead on the other side of this trial. Keep standing, keep believing, and choose to be a bounce-back person because you are coming out better off than you were before! You are rising higher, and you will fulfill the destiny God has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today

Father in heaven, I choose to set my focus on You. I know that You are turning things around in my favor. I choose to stand and believe Your promises. Thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

----------- so I got an email and it follows....

From: Laura
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 10:39 AM
To: 'Evie

I want you to see this…my friend (another suicide wife) texted me right before I got this and it said “I lied to you, I didn’t pick up Bill’s clothes or anything, I intended to but didn’t. Is this my 2^nd valentine’s? The 2^nd year has been so much harder since the shock wore off.” My email symbol then changed to show I had mail. It was this. I sent it to her with the message below.

Thanks for continuing to inspire me! WITH MUCH LOVE

~Laura

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From: Laura
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 10:34 AM
To: 'susan'

Susan,

I love you! I believe in you! I think there was a reason we met that day…and there continues to be. Why else would this message come today, at this time, while we are texting about how many years it’s been and Bill’s clothes? Perhaps Bill is up there trying to help you right now. Open to the signs, I think he’s okay with you picking up his clothes today.

BIG HUGS! I LOVE YOU! You always make me feel warm and cared for and remind me I’m not in this alone.

`Laura

--------------------my response-------------------

From: Evie
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 12:19 PM
To: 'Laura

Laura, you do know its not me... its the God in me that does what I do, say what i say,who allows me to be who i am; give what i do & love others.

and look at God working in you too!!!! :D

the biggest thing I'm learning is about realization... and what the bible teaches about life.

if the devil can take your faith... he can take you.

you have got to know that you are never alone.... God is always with you - hes inside. Or he'll give you people to be there for you.

yeah it seems hard @ night & when your emotions take you over... you have to control those emotions, not let them overtake you in depression, sadness, despair or greif. Dont believe the lies the devil tries to get you into thinking. thats all it is. he dont care about you just your faith... (the jesus inside of you)

you GOT TO hold on to your faith...

KNOW that its going to be ok, you'll always be better than before & theres purpose for things happening... even the bad- we dont understand them, but its not our job to figure out the whys, but to BELIEVE IN certain things; all these life lessons are building you up to something you dont even know what for, but it can be use to help others and that in turn and help others...

the bible says all you need is a musturd seed size of faith. just a TINY bit!

I truly know & believe God allows things in your life to happen to get you to the place you need to be. He gives us people we need to know, struggle with, love and learn from & go through things . God already knows what we need... its all His purpose.

Hes always there for us, we just have to let Him in to ourselves.

Our God is so much bigger than our problems & when you focus on what He can do for you & what he's done & pulled you out of; what you're greatful for (even if it is "being born" which you should be ) & get your head from focusing on all of the "PROBLEMS" - & stop making things all about "YOU, YOU, YOU" - then you realize whats important & the bigger picture. Your situation or problems aren't important. How you overcome them & your attitude towards them is the key...

Set yourself free from the problems, by getting the focus off them... & allow yourself to be happy.

Happiness is a choice.

You can choose to be happy or to remain in your dissapointments, sadness, depression. You do have strength. You can overcome.

SAY IT OUTLOUD EVEN~

Its a mind set... your attitude determines your altitude.

sometimes you have to just pick your own self up... but you're not alone in this life.

So try to realize what i just typed... once you do, get that mindset & make it work for you; it will help you get through those tough times

When i feel a little sadness or depression coming along... i just check myself & get my head back right.

Allmost everyday i say aloud, LORD HELP ME, LORD I KNOW YOU SEE THIS & YOU KNOW WHAT IM FEELING... I KNOW ITS LIES IM THINKING & YOUR WORD SAYS IF YOU ARE FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME... almost everyday i say this...

It is honestly, a daily, almost hourly struggle to think right. But since I've started realizing things and learning about things- it gets easier... my recovery time(from ilfe's situations) is QUICKER...and i get my peace & happiness back much faster... i still get sad & upset but not for the amount of time like i use to.

For me, I've learned that if i speak the Word ( bible scriptures: " if God be for you who can be against you" ) things happen QUICK!

this email is just confirmation for me... its just a lil hug from God saying keep doing things that glorify Him... keep on keeping on.

Keep being obedient even though its hard as all get out... LOL But I know im doing whats right.

Things like this help me keep on keeping on too ;) and confirms i know God hears me and loves me & got things in control. It helps me see his purpose...but im always looking for His pupose.... not mine.

All this pain ya'll are going through is just tests... you've got to learn things from it... so you can move on.

Realize the things you are needing from these terribly unfair situations... get what you only need from them & then release the rest to God to handle.

and THANK HIM for it.. for molding you into what you need to be.

Letting go of things is one of the hardest lessons i've experienced...

i just stay in close relationship with God & I thank him all day... when i dont know what to say; i just say thank you.

I tell him to take all this pain and anger and frustrations, i tell him i'm expecting great things for my life & to use me to do His work... i try to make life not all about me. its a path full of struggles; but the benefits are so greater ( to me ).

What it boils down to is where you're @ and what you want in life yanno?

i love you laura - and you know where to go when you're in need. Sometimes we just have to have a lil nudge once in a while. ;)

-------------------- her response -----------

From: Laura
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 1:34 PM
To: 'Evie

You know, I’ve always thought that maybe God didn’t know the end of my life, but that he knew all the alternative versions. That life was a path with many forks and that choice and free will would decide which path I followed. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe, life is predetermined by God. Like in the book, The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Life is a path with many choices, but maybe the choices I make are for predetermined purposes. If I hadn’t met Tony I wouldn’t have learned many things, or have many things in my life now. I don’t know. It’s all so very confusing.

THANK YOU EVIE! THIS IS SOMETHING I WILL READ AND READ AND READ!

---------------- my last response ------------

From: Evie
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2009 2:25 PM
To: 'Laura on

put it in your lil box i made ya ;)

i honestly dont know either. I try to just learn as i go, take what im suppose to, share with others & never stop growing.

and for now, this is what i believe.... it may change eventually and the more i learn, then that knowledge might change my thoughts too... but still.

I do know that i've learned SO much in my twenties- but its mainly through the hell & blessings I go through. people i meet, trials i face, drama i endure & mistakes or poor/good choices i make. ...aka life.

I do know life is about perspective... and that your attitude about it, determines how well or not so well you can get through it & how fast... but still I always know i can get through it. I belive. thats why.... kinda what i mean is like, when you're young... you have all these things you THINK you know and ....and as time goes by- those perceptions change... because you change. I use to think " i never wanna change"

But i know now that we weren't made to be the same. we were made to change too...

I live & know God allows things to happen for reasons to get us where he needs us to be & gets us to change into the things we need to be... not just for ourselves but for others.

i do feel life is about choices too... but still- those determine how well or not so well life goes for us.

but im starting to see how theres something more; and reasons for whys ( even though i dont get the answer til like WAY WAY LATER) but at least i get the answer(s) when its suppose to be revealed to me.

Life really is confusing, and a lot of the time we just dont know everything... and so we're wandering around trying to figure out and understand things... doing things, living life, etc...

i'm also starting to think, its already been laid out for us but its our choice on how we make the journey there.

The bible states that God knew us when we are in the womb... I'm kinda understanding that as i grow & learn more... and it just shows you how big God is.

When i dont understand a lot of things, i just say; I trust you God. and let it play out. thats really hard too, because i want to do things i want to do, when i want to do them & how i want it to be done. LOL

i havent read that book... yet

--------------------

and to top that off, Lisa & Ash went to the Christian book store tonight, bought some books... a cd that had a song we heard/sung when we went to the HPChurch's Women's Night!! My heart is bursting... I can't help but to cry tears of joy & thank God right now. :*D

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DAILY BREAD

" I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe." Pslam 4:8 NLT

I love it when God confirms things to me, shows me He's listening to my prayers & my heart... it blesses me when He uses me to do his work(s) ...

I love it when the holy ghost can put things in my heart & head to share with others & help them & just allow God to do His thing through me. It makes me feel like a deserving servant & makes me feel like im doing what im suppose to do.

i love seeing Him in daily life & people. ...it always touches me even more when i see Him and experience Him with my family. When my family & friends shows me Him.

January wrap up

So its been WOOO these last few weeks.
**Jan 17-19 was my BFFs bachelorette party in Biloxi.
It was fun to get together... :) I wasn't in the mood to party too much; but nonetheless we had a great time. I won the lil game "who knows the bachelorette the most" type game. :D go me...

**January 19- WOW what a great roller coaster day... extreme lows to extreme highs
It started out not so good, coming back from biloxi, i had just random stupid thoughts allowing myself to get all frustrated with persons, running my life accourances and conversations in my mind letting it get to me... so i tried to stop it. Let it go... and i eventually did, but i was still bothered by it.
Yanno how you just let yourself be sucked in to the lies the devil always tries to get at you with... but i had to stay shoving it off. Even though it brought me down some, once i got back and unpacked and all i got alil better.. then MY PHONE RINGS!
Its my sister asking about the HPWomen's that was that evening @ church. Even better... SHE WAS COMING & ASH! :D
That made me feel so great knowing that!
Completely turned my day around... Its amazing how people who "REALLY LOVE" you can make almost anything go away. :) good always triumphs over evil. memba dat!
So we went to the church & since it was our first time, just kinda observed a little bit.
Then it started with worship songs & of course me & my easy crying self got at it! ;*) it was good songs... lots of praise & my family was there being able to experience some of Jesus & hopefully took something back home.
the pastor's wife talked about 5 ways to live less stressed & related it to scriptures. :)
(my lil notepad is in my car otherwise i'd jot it down here) it was good, practical & God's truth, what a perfect combo!
we prayed for each other & left! it was really awesome... funny how God answered three prayers in one... and i didnt even know/expect/forced any of them... i just gave it to Him to do.
The rest of the days until Jan 31 were spent not sleeping enough trying to get the right photography gear & read up on things and flash lighting... so I was watching tutorials & reading & online shopping for the last few days. Oh and getting things prepared/ready for the bridal shower games for Jamie. busy busy UGH! :/


**January 31 I went back home for my bff's bridal shower. Helped decorate & set up things, passed out things for the guests & helped with the present passing/opening thing you do @ showers LOL She had a good turn out... and it was really nice! :)

** Feb 1, Sunday
I finished up pics for my senior & her brag book... paid bills & cleaned.

I love how my family sees a little change in me. Like instead of talking about certain things... we tend to talk more & more about God things... :) which is awesome... im so proud of us. But i love it when they tell me how my godson is & his lil episodes with "God stuff talk". HAHA I can see how God planned it all out.
So he loses the key to the house... and hes punished & frustrated. Days go by with everyone looking for the key. He didnt want to take a ride to town for icecream... then less than 5 minutes later he changes his mind & goes with Ash. While waiting for the icecream, Matt ends up playing around in his dashboard... FINDING THE KEY! Ash tells him he better thank God! LOL He smirks and Ash asks him what... he says Lisa just texted him telling him it was God & to thank him... he sighs, & said, " And I was just cussin Him in my head... " - OH LAWD HOW GOOD IS GOD!
Hes struggling with his beliefs. And I've prayed for God todo works in my family & in his life & to change his heart & let God show himself real to Ren. oh what a great lesson... whos the boss now Ren? God- 1 Ren- 0 HAHAHA what a sense of humor the almighty got. i love it! When i was hearing the story told to me; i just was like... thank you Jesus! ...see even in the mist of all hopelessness (they searched for so long & everywhere- even theat vehicle TWICE)... God shows up how he wants and proves himself great YET AGAIN!
And in my life.. its God- 5,645,684,875 Evie- 0
i love me some God.

Bread of Life Today ( honestly, random picked but always so sutiable )
"Ask anything in my name, and I will do it! " John 14:14 NLT

BIRTHING STELLA + fasting

so today i'm almost done completing my "fasting" day...

I have a few more things to do...

...like complete (this day and yesterday's day) in my awesome birthday gift [http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Jesus/Beth-Moore/e/9780805446456]
(thanks GLENN)
...read & pray for another hour or so after i get off this blog...
I'm kinda new & not sure of the "correct way" or if there is even a correct way..but im committing and doing what i gather. Fasting is a spiritual discipline that allows us to hear the voice of God better. Its a time where spiritual nourishment replaces physical nourishment.

I didnt eat but i did drink. :/

haha I even went to dinner with two friends, and it was his "birthday" dinner/eat out celebrationish thing... i drank my tea & conversed.
It wasnt that hard... but those charbroiled oysters did look tempting to try for the first time. LOL

I've fasted from food before, but this time i had a "focus meditation" ...
The focus of this day was to be God's Word. Praying that our actions, decision and thoughts are guided by His WORD.
I prayed and thanked him for this to happen in my life throughout the day.. also with just praying/thanking like normal.
:) I could/should have done better by having more of "ME" time... where i could concentrate & speak more. But that'll be in a few minutes.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I don't know how anyone who has ever experienced or seen live child birth can't BELIEVE in GOD.

LIFE is a TRUE MIRACLE

seriously, it is just amazing & miraculous how it happens. I've seen live birth about 6 or so times, 2 of my sisters (4) and 2 complete strangers when I worked in the hospital.
Last night... I was able to be apart of one of my best friend's HOME/WATER BIRTH. And photograph it.
She was so amazing & strong and the whole home thing is so admirable. She prepared herself well and she works in that field so she knows whats going on... but its funny how knowing things & having to actually apply & perform comes into play when its such a huge thing like giving birth... you're kinda all up in the pain & moment. She did very well & made it look easy even l though it wasn't.

It was such a beautiful experience... in my opinion.

Unfortunetly, when the baby came; she was carrying Niagra Falls too (hehe) so I didnt get to photograph the whole sequenial exiting of the womb... being my left hand was helping her hold her leg and then i grabbed towels with my trigger hand... and within those quickest 3 seconds, after throwing the towels i had less than a second to recompose myself and refocus my tear out my eye ...then was able to start snapping while the baby was rushed to her mother's arms.

Its really breathtaking when you're able to hear the first glimpse of life. The baby was laying on her mother, quiet... breathing... and now about 10 seconds after exiting the womb, the ruffle of hands and the suction of "baby glob"... and the most beautiful burst of a quiet cry.

Goodness that pulls on my heart strings & reality of God all comes rushing in with those 8 seconds of silence.
I thanked God the moment Stella arrived, [for the safety of my friend/baby & the whole experience I was able to have with them] & felt fully confirmed He was watching over them as I see the baby in the arms of my dear friend & hearing the faint cry of newborn life.
A bundle of love delivered right into your life. A miracle...thats what occured. God's greatest work... I doubt I'm wrong... but thats just my perspective of January 15th at 11:18pm - Miss Stella Marie




I'm going to try my best to always remember this perspective, especially on the day I have my first child.

On another note... I love the innocence of a child. Nora's 2 year old comprehension of this event going on was so hilarious & awesome! Kids are great...
When her mother laid on the bed in the photo above... "MOMMA YOU HURT?" she asked.
The birthing "mess" had made a mess... when seeing the mess; her response to this... "UH, WHO MADE THIS MESS??" then afterwhile... holding her little sister, she says " BABY STELLA HAS HAIR LIKE NORA..." and proceeds to open the blankie.. " AND TEETAWS LIKE NORA..." opening it more... "WHAT'S THAT?" (abilical cord attatched ) ...how precious.
She is so 2 going on 20. This ought to be interesting to hear/experience about her growing ups with a sibling. Its been a while since i've been around todler kids.

my random pick of my bread of life scripture for today...
"Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.: Mark 11:24 KJV
MAN I LOVE THIS ONE! AND i know in my heart this is confirmation of my "fasting" time with God I'm going end my day with now will be very very very well heard. its always the little things, like this 2.5 inch by 1 inch Bread of Life scripture card that God will talk to me, cuz I'm listening. Thank You Lord for everything... xo

Recipe for each year....

A GREAT RECIPE...FOR 2009! 1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant. 2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. 3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to_______ ___ today. I am thankful for_________ _____' 4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. 5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts. 6. Try to make at least three people smile each day. 7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card. 9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?' 17. Forgive everyone for everything. 18. What other people think of you is none of your business. 19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him. 20. However good or ba d a situation is, it will change. 21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!! 22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished _________. 24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed. 25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it. Don't bother making new year's resolutions that you know you'll break! Print this one out and read it often in 2009, you'll feel much better about life and yourself. PASS IT ON

Gold Wrapping Paper

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, 'This is for you, Momma.'
The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over-reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty.
She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. 'Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?'
She had tears in her eyes and said, 'Oh, Momma, it's not empty!
I blew kisses into it until it was full.'
The mother was crushed.
She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger. An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends
and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• the story above was an email I read today... This Christmas that just past, I made some of my family & friends some "Encouragement Boxes" ... its kinda what the essence of the email was. Just a plain box filled with some thing and quotes, scriptures, things I've read/studied, and a tiny bit of information and words to keep them all encourage and hopefully start/continue them on their way to bettering themselves and living life truly free & happy. It says in the Bible that if you deny anyone of God's truth. you'll be judge for that. I like talking & helping others.. so its natural to me to do that. Plus I love em... so yanno. ;) I made me a box too, most of the info i have inside of me, plus im really strong in my faith & doing work to learn more... I need to write these two quotes for my peeps to put in their boxes.

•Friends are like angels who lift us to our feet, when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

•If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!

My Bread of Life scripture is: "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." Psalm 126:5 KJV

I had prayed for additional places/events/things to involve myself in to grow & stay learning. Well last weekend... it came to me!
I was dissappointed that i couldn't go to NOLA to be apart of the www.bibleacrossamerica.com 's signing. WELL IT CAME TO ME TOO!!!
So they were going to be at this one church... I attended the service which was awesome.. well the bible scripture the pastor's teaching on.


God is the vine keeper. Jesus is the vine. We (humans) are the branches.
I love the lesson from this. So I'll be attending that church... on tomorrow to learn about it & get the info I need to join volunteer groups & attend events/services there.


Here are pics from my signing!! Its 2 handwritten Bibles. ONE goes into the Smithsonian and one copy gets published for purchase! :D
























God answers prayers ALWAYS, never late, but on HIS time. :)

so, it begins...

ut-oh! I got me a mic. (of sorts)
I have been wanting to do a journal... so I suppose this is what I will make of this opportunity. ;)
Lets see how far this takes me...

I'm at a stage in my life... aren't we all?
But not that many people I personally know are on the level I'm at in my life. I have this desire of being better, being closer to God, learning more, keeping motivated and just being what I'm suppose to be. Being and doing what I believe in. Being involved and growing in my relationship with God.
I feel like its the least I can do; for all the good things, opportunities, the "works" He has given me in my life & all the things He will continue to do.
I don't really feel like i "owe" Him... I'm learning from myself how its more of a CHOICE for me. A wanting.

If I had to put a date or occurrence... my mother's passing kind of started this into full gear for me.
I just knew that the only way I could make it through now and live life happy was with God's help.
Loving someone, that much... well it physically hurts at times living without them.

I refuse to let the devil make that situation be a downfall for me, something tragic and paralyzing.
I know that what the devil meant for harm... God will make it good. It says so in the Bible...

God really blessed me with me being able to talk to my mother for a few hours prior to the day she passed... i know without a doubt she KNEW how much I loved her, how much me & my family loved her. Regardless of me always showing it or not saying "i love u" enough... That helped comfort me. I know the purpose of the events that took place and I'm able to see God's work in that for me. He lets it be another one of my testimonies.
Confirming my faith and belief that HE does exist. He does Love me. He is here for me if I go to Him.
sorry, but there is a God. and Satan.... and heaven and hell!
I've learned so much by putting myself in places, events, reading & listening to certain things, putting myself around certain people... to where I can learn, from the Bible, experience TRUTH, pray and just daily, hourly, talk to God.
Its a hard committed sacrifice... I know I could try harder. I know what I should/could do. I try to stay in that encouragement, to keep my thoughts on the right things... but sometimes I choose not to, or busy myself with things. I'll have to answer for it later I know.. I thank God for His grace...and He knows my heart. I always try to talk to God throughout the day and thank Him. Sometimes I, yes ME really don't know what to say... so I just thank Him.
IT can be challenging to stay encouraged & give what God gives me to others.
That IS what we're suppose to do. Thats our purpose.

I cry or get upset knowing my mother is gone. But I always am appreciative for the time I had with her here and while trying to not focus on the past, I'm comforted in knowing what my future holds.

I have this cute lil BREAD OF LIFE scripture holder I bought me for Christmas... it has 100+ scriptures written on each side of the lil cards. Well I picked one today... it seems too fitting now. But I know its God's way of comforting me. And answering the questions I ask Him personally & keeping me encouraged. Knowing His Truth.
The scripture reads:
"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" Isaiah 65:24 NLT


For all my mother has done for me, for her birthing me & God giving me life, for all the hurt and pain and love, for the faith she instilled in me, for her teaching me about God, for the years we never spent together, for the hugs & kisses we didn't give enough to each other, for the laughter and tears, for the missed moments, the missed future occasions, for the for all the time we'll never get back or time we'll never get to spend together now... I want to make certain I see/experience my mother again.

And I will... in heaven. :)