so, it begins...

ut-oh! I got me a mic. (of sorts)
I have been wanting to do a journal... so I suppose this is what I will make of this opportunity. ;)
Lets see how far this takes me...

I'm at a stage in my life... aren't we all?
But not that many people I personally know are on the level I'm at in my life. I have this desire of being better, being closer to God, learning more, keeping motivated and just being what I'm suppose to be. Being and doing what I believe in. Being involved and growing in my relationship with God.
I feel like its the least I can do; for all the good things, opportunities, the "works" He has given me in my life & all the things He will continue to do.
I don't really feel like i "owe" Him... I'm learning from myself how its more of a CHOICE for me. A wanting.

If I had to put a date or occurrence... my mother's passing kind of started this into full gear for me.
I just knew that the only way I could make it through now and live life happy was with God's help.
Loving someone, that much... well it physically hurts at times living without them.

I refuse to let the devil make that situation be a downfall for me, something tragic and paralyzing.
I know that what the devil meant for harm... God will make it good. It says so in the Bible...

God really blessed me with me being able to talk to my mother for a few hours prior to the day she passed... i know without a doubt she KNEW how much I loved her, how much me & my family loved her. Regardless of me always showing it or not saying "i love u" enough... That helped comfort me. I know the purpose of the events that took place and I'm able to see God's work in that for me. He lets it be another one of my testimonies.
Confirming my faith and belief that HE does exist. He does Love me. He is here for me if I go to Him.
sorry, but there is a God. and Satan.... and heaven and hell!
I've learned so much by putting myself in places, events, reading & listening to certain things, putting myself around certain people... to where I can learn, from the Bible, experience TRUTH, pray and just daily, hourly, talk to God.
Its a hard committed sacrifice... I know I could try harder. I know what I should/could do. I try to stay in that encouragement, to keep my thoughts on the right things... but sometimes I choose not to, or busy myself with things. I'll have to answer for it later I know.. I thank God for His grace...and He knows my heart. I always try to talk to God throughout the day and thank Him. Sometimes I, yes ME really don't know what to say... so I just thank Him.
IT can be challenging to stay encouraged & give what God gives me to others.
That IS what we're suppose to do. Thats our purpose.

I cry or get upset knowing my mother is gone. But I always am appreciative for the time I had with her here and while trying to not focus on the past, I'm comforted in knowing what my future holds.

I have this cute lil BREAD OF LIFE scripture holder I bought me for Christmas... it has 100+ scriptures written on each side of the lil cards. Well I picked one today... it seems too fitting now. But I know its God's way of comforting me. And answering the questions I ask Him personally & keeping me encouraged. Knowing His Truth.
The scripture reads:
"I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" Isaiah 65:24 NLT


For all my mother has done for me, for her birthing me & God giving me life, for all the hurt and pain and love, for the faith she instilled in me, for her teaching me about God, for the years we never spent together, for the hugs & kisses we didn't give enough to each other, for the laughter and tears, for the missed moments, the missed future occasions, for the for all the time we'll never get back or time we'll never get to spend together now... I want to make certain I see/experience my mother again.

And I will... in heaven. :)